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Funny Craigslist Ads

Selection of the Funniest Craigslist Listings



Funny Craigslist Ad #110: I want to be your slave
I want to be a real work slave for someone and I am 100% serious, honest, and real. What I’m basically looking for is a guy who wants me to do all of his chores (cleaning, dishes, laundry, yard work, clean car, etc) while you relax AND I will pay you cash [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #109: Looking for a Carl Spackler
Looking for a Carl Spackler to rip up a small square of 20×40 SOD, kill a golfer, and remove the debris. Please email hourly rate or total wanted for the job. http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/lbg/1788638175.html Note from the user who submitted this ad: uh, I think he wants to kill a GOPHER, not a GOLFER but hey [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #108: Seeking a professional driver
I am seeking a professional driver who would be able to get me out of any “tight” situations that I may encounter. Because of the nature of my business I have many enemies. -Must be armed, preferably with fully automatic weapons -Must be able to speak multiple languages, English and Russian are a must. -Must be bald [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #107: Need artificial insemination?
Over the last 3 years, I have offered to help women get pregnant, exclusively through artificial insemination, and many have successfully had children, using my sperm. I offer this at no cost, including an artificial insemination kit, simply because I find it to be one of the most profoundly meaningful uses [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #106: Wanted Lovinf Rich Grandparent
Are your career-minded grown up children holding out on you in the grandkids department? Or maybe you’re disappointed in little Timmy’s grades? Want someone to be proud off? Then we’ve got the solution for you – our super gifted daughter! Our 9 year old daughter has been accepted into a private school for [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #105: Transport driver needed
Looking for clean cut transport driver (ie. no facial hair, no visible tattoos, no piercings). Driver will wear presentable suit in every transport. Driving record must be clean. No Points. Long hours, 12-24 hour shifts plus holidays. Driver must be able to lift 150pds plus. Must pass background check. Communication skills [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #104: I won’t be sharing the road with you again
I know that you were outrageously pissed at me today when I cut you off at the off ramp in Rancho Cucamonga. I was feeling confident listening to “Forgot About Dre” when I glanced in my mirror and I made the determination that I had plenty of space to merge over to [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #103: Nihilophiliac Cuddlebunny – $6666 (Akron, OH)
Keep Killian Skarr out of jail sale! Price reduced to $6,666 on this unique piece of functional art. This is the same sculpture that was featured at this years “Dirty show 11″ and in the upcoming issue of “Secret magazine”. And as a special dispensation to New York buyers, Killian Skarr [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #102: Washer and dryer for sale
A joint Soviet-American crew created this washer and dryer. Their mission was to investigate how the washer’s gravitational orbit revolves around your laundry to disperse and disappear dirt that is locked away in the fabric. Propelled by alien rockets, this interplanetary spacecraft is very advanced. Due to its fascinating spinning speed [...]

Funny Craigslist Ad #101: Insult Comic needed for Comedy Event
Insult Comic needed for Comedy Event: For an event scheduled the San Fernando Valley for August 28th [Saturday] from 7 to midnight. We are looking for a comic well versed in general insults and racial comedy. Position Description: The position will require you to dress as a clown in “Black Face” [All races welcome] while [...]